50 questions to ask before marriage from a christian perspective

50 Questions To Ask Before Marriage: A Christian Perspective

50 Questions To Ask Before Marriage: A Christian Perspective

Picture of Taylor and Taylor

Taylor and Taylor

Everything Weddings and Marquee Letters | Middle Tennessee

Marriage is a sacred union that requires open communication and understanding between partners. Before walking down the aisle, it’s vital for Christian couples to have meaningful discussions about various aspects of their lives together. In this blog, we will explore 50 questions to ask before marriage, with a focus on aligning your values and faith in Christ.

Table of Contents

1. Is your fiancé a believer?

The Bible says that believers should only marry other believers (2 Corinthians 6:14; see also 1 Corinthians 7:39—this verse specifically applies to widows, but the principle of “he must belong to the Lord” is present). 

If they are unbelievers, concentrate on what God has said in His Word and trust Him to lead you in making your next decisions on the basis of His life principles and commands. Ceasing to cohabit with your fiancé or fiancée is the first step. Putting the marriage on hold is the next step.

2. Should you have premarital counseling?

Yes. A Christian couple who truly want to glorify Christ through their wedding should start with the early preparations, beginning with biblical premarital counseling with their pastor. 

3. What are the roles of a husband and a wife?

Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, dive deep into understanding your roles. Read Ephesians (5:22-33).”Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Another is (Colossians 3:18-21).

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4. What are your common interests?

Make a list for yourselves and compare. Although it’s not necessary to have the same calling, are your interests in conflict with each other? Is one of you ever resentful of the other’s interest?

5. What are your weaknesses?

Are you lazy? Or do you overwork yourself? What sins do you struggle with? Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, be completely open and seek how you can rely on your spouse to help you overcome these.

6. How do you receive love?

Understand and appreciate each other’s love languages, striving to express love in ways that resonate with your partner. Is it through touch, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, or quality time? Or something entirely different. Maybe a combo. 

7. How often should you have a date night?

Spending quality time together is crucial for not being consumed by the world. So plan it and stick to it, because you’ll never regret it. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, this one would be non-negotiable for us as it rekindles our love for one another. Note: Try try to listen more than you speak. 

8. How’s your communication level?

How our families of origin dealt with communication and conflict often shapes how we deal with conflict in marriage. How would you rate your communication on a scale of 1 to 10? How do you make decisions? How do you handle conflict? 

Is your communication with each other helpful or hurtful? Do you feel built up by your conversations or torn down? Is your date sensitive and responsive to what you need in communication? Be and look for someone with healthy communication traits. (Ephesians 4:25-32)

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9. How’s your financial situation?

Be transparent about your financial situation, including any debts, credit cards, and spending habits. Finances are frequently a huge area of tension in many marriages, so it’s extremely important to understand each other’s financial habits before you marry. And while past performance is not a guarantee, it is still the best indicator of future expectations. (Prov. 21:20)

10. How much are you saving each week?

Discuss how you want to allocate your resources for charity, church tithing, and other godly purposes. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, remember it is God who gives you the ability to produce wealth. It’s all His. (Deuteronomy. 5:10)

11. Are you ready for parenthood?

Whether or not to have children is a huge decision. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, talk honestly about it. Your special friend may make a great date, but what about a parent for your children? Will they model the values to which you are committed? Will they be willing to put the children’s needs ahead of their own? 

Remember: As you choose your husband or wife, you are choosing the person who will shape your children. Marry someone who has the character and values you want to imitate.

12. How would you overcome fertility challenges?

As Christians, lean on God’s wisdom and guidance when faced with infertility or difficulties in starting a family. Discuss the various options available and how your faith plays a role in your decision-making.

13. How will you raise your children?

Consider how you both envision parenting and nurturing your children in the ways of Christ. Reflect on your childhood experiences and how they will shape your approach to parenting. Read Ephesians 6:1-4.

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14. Homeschool or public school?

Despite what the media portrays, not all public schools are clandestine Marxist training camps. In fact, more than a third of the nation’s public school teachers identify themselves as evangelical Christians. However, a child’s religious upbringing is the responsibility of the parents, not the schools. (Deuteronomy 11:19). 

Here are some areas of concern if you plan to send your children to public school: the presence of LBGTQ and other sexually explicit literature; gender confusion; unwillingness to give creation science equal time with evolutionary theory; the influence of planned parenthood on sex education; a child’s inability to refute or resist teachings that are contrary to the Christian faith.

15. Do either of you have additional children?

If either of you has children from previous relationships, ensure that you discuss how to blend your families with love and understanding.

16. How do you envision your wedding?

The wedding should be a reflection of the couple’s dedication to the glory of Jesus Christ. Every part of the service, from the music to the vows to the message delivered by the officiator, should reflect that commitment. Alcohol should not be the focus of a Christian wedding, and drunkenness should absolutely not be a part of the reception.

17. What’s your ideal dream home?

Discuss your preferences for where you want to live, considering how it aligns with your spiritual and family goals. Explore each other’s visions of an ideal home and find common ground that reflects your shared values.

18. How will you divide household chores?

Seek to serve one another with humility and love, finding a fair division of household responsibilities that honors your relationship. We are to watch our words and speak “only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). Nagging is not helpful; it does not build up, and it provides no benefit to the hearers.

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19. Do your political stances align?

Understand and respect each other’s political views, seeking to maintain unity and understanding amidst differences. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, “it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.” (Psalm 118:8)

20. Are there any intimate boundaries?

Embrace open communication about your sexual desires and expectations, acknowledging God’s design for intimacy between a male and female. What forms of sexual activity are acceptable? (1 Corinthians 7:5) What is off-limits? (Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3).

21. How often would you like to travel per year?

Align your travel desires, ensuring that your vacations and breaks allow for spiritual growth and rejuvenation.

22. Do you balance each other?

Discuss how your careers align with your Christian values and how to support each other in pursuing God’s calling. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, make sure you’re lifting each other up daily.

23. When is your quiet time?

Quiet time is an important part of a Christian’s everyday life, for this is when he/she goes to a comfortable place where he/she can draw close to God with no distractions. Every believer needs a quiet time with the Lord. If Jesus Himself needed it, how much more do we? (Matthew 26:36) (Mark 1:35) (Luke 5:16).

24. What are non-negotiables?

Communicate your non-negotiables with grace, ensuring that your values align with God’s Word. Examples would be the deity of Christ, salvation by grace through faith alone, the Trinity, Jesus as the only way of salvation, and the Bible as the inspired Word of God. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, stay true to these in your marriage.

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25. How do you handle death?

The introduction of death was a necessary response to the admittance of sin into the world. It is a grace that we die. If we didn’t die, we would have to live in a sinful world for all eternity. Discuss your own mortality and the fears that come with it.

26. Do you want a pet together?

Those who have pets should love them, provide for them, and care for their needs. Loving an animal is not wrong, as long as we love people more. The care we show an animal entrusted to us is a gauge of personal integrity: “A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal” (Proverbs 12:10). Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, now is a great time to make sure the other doesn’t have allergies.

27. What are some promises of God?

There are many, many promises of God in Scripture. Because God is faithful, the recipients of the divine promises can have full assurance that what God has pledged will indeed be realized (Numbers 23:19). Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, memorize His promises in your heart.

28. How will you prioritize Christ in your lives?

God obviously comes first: Deuteronomy 6:5, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength,” but how else can you make a lifestyle that surrounds Him? Reading his Word daily, praying together, attending church, and repenting together are just a few ways. 

29. How do you cope with challenges?

True Christianity does not stay behind church doors after services on Sunday. True Christianity affects who we are, and Christlike behavior should follow us everywhere we go. Whether we are cut off in traffic, short-changed at the checkout, or visited by Mormon missionaries, true Christianity defines our responses to life’s challenges.

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30. What embarrasses you?

The feeling of embarrassment is common to humans and is linked to other emotional issues like worry, fear, and anxiety—particularly social anxiety. Embarrassment may or may not be a sin, depending on the context.

Feeling embarrassed by Jesus and His gospel can be considered sinful (Matthew 10:32–33; Mark 8:38; Luke 9:26), whereas being self-conscious about a smudge on one’s shirt is not. However, embarrassment is often linked with sin and self.

31. How often do you use social media?

Hundreds of millions of people are running toward social networking platforms to participate in the relational components of the Internet. Set boundaries for social media usage that align with your Christian values, ensuring that it enhances rather than hinders your relationship. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, try fasting from social media, tv, games etc for a week and see what you learn.

32. How often do you watch TV?

Television, like many other diversions we have in today’s society, has the ability to do both great good and great harm. Questions to ask yourself: What is my motive for watching this TV show? (1 Corinthians 10:31) Does this television show contain material that, as a Christian, I cannot hear or view with a pure mind? (Psalm 101:3) Is there a better use of my time?

33. How often do you play board or video games?

Will this edify me, show love to my neighbor, and glorify God? We are to pursue praiseworthy activities, not simply permissible ones. However He leads you, passionately follow Him above all else. Prepare for eternity. Every sacrifice will seem insignificant when we meet Jesus.

34. Is it easy for you to extend grace and forgiveness?

We need to make an effort to understand God’s forgiveness of us if we are going to forgive others in a way that reflects God’s forgiveness. (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13).

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35. Do you go to the same church?

The Bible tells us we need to attend church so we can worship God with other believers and be taught His Word for our spiritual growth. The early church “devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer” (Acts 2:42). Eventually, you will both want to attend the same church, if not already. (Hebrews 10:25)

36. How are your gifts utilized in the church?

The Holy Spirit distributes the gifts as He determines (1 Corinthians 12:7–11). If you don’t know your gifts, ask others to help and pray. Through prayer, we can ask God to show us how we are gifted in order to better use our spiritual gifts for His glory. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, dive deep into understanding this one.

37. How can you honor your parents and in-laws?

Discuss how you will honor and respect each other’s parents and in-laws while prioritizing your new family unit. Your allegiance will be to your spouse and his/her needs first, not your parents. This can be especially difficult in some cultures where honor and obedience to parents are synonymous, and going against their wishes is seen as disgracing them. 

While we always want to be sensitive to culture, if Scripture and culture contradict one another, we are always called to obey Scripture. (Gen. 2:24)

38. Any family problems?

Most family problems could be lessened if we all followed the instructions found in Philippians 2:3–4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” When we adopt the spirit of humility and treat others as Jesus would treat them, we can resolve many of our family and relationship problems.

39. Any mental health concerns?

Does it run in the family? Mental health is important, as it affects the whole being: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23). The fall of mankind has had physical ramifications for the body and spiritual effects on the soul. If you are battling a mental health issue, remember, “He works all things together for the good of His children.” (Romans 8:28). 

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40. Ever wanted to be a missionary?

A Christian missionary is an ambassador of Christ. Each one must yield to the Lord, loving Him with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. Specifically, a missionary is one whom God sends through the support of the Church to the unreached. All Christians, however, are called to be missionaries of the Gospel. The Lord works through them to rescue the lost. What greater call can one answer?

41. How was your upbringing?

Acknowledge and celebrate any cultural differences between you, striving for unity amidst diversity within your marriage. Did you grow up in a religious household? What was it like as a child? Were you a straight-A student? What were your parents’ jobs?

42. Do you feel loved and cherished by your fiance?

Will your fiance delight in helping you realize your dreams, desires, abilities, and gifts, or do you see him/her expecting you to shelve yours in order to make his/her happen? Is this the man you wish to submit to and choose to respect for the rest of your life? Is he the one with whom you will joyfully partner? (Ephesians 5)

43. What’s your testimony?

Even if you’ve heard it once, there’s nothing like hearing it again. An effective testimony is one that conveys both your own experience and the Gospel of Christ so that someone else has information about the process of salvation. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, write this one out.

44. Are you interested in additional education?

If so, what’s the end goal? How will you both be financially stable? Ever thought about seminary? Education begins with the reality of God’s existence and the fact that He has communicated to us through creation, His Word, and His Son. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, the more we learn about God’s creation, our understanding of God’s wisdom and power deepens.

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45. How do you cope with stress?

Stress of all kinds is a natural part of life (Job 5:7, 14:1; 1 Peter 4:12; 1 Corinthians 10:13). But how we deal with it is up to us. If we choose to try to do it on our own, we will not find lasting relief.

46. Do you prioritize the Sabbath?

Sabbath is not a commandment we are bound to; it’s a promise we’re invited to enjoy. The apostle Paul said that each individual Christian should decide whether to observe a Sabbath rest: “One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind” (Romans 14:5). We are to worship God every day, not just on Saturday or Sunday.

I believe we all desperately need sabbath from our labors, but not just so we can physically rest and rejuvenate. We need sabbath so we can see clearly again, confess our need again, turn to grace again, and surrender again our self-glory to the greater glory of our Savior King.

47. How can you effectively encourage each other?

“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness,” (Hebrews 3:13) tells us. Throughout the Bible we see instructions to encourage one another and verses that are meant to encourage us.

48. What do your daily trials and tribulations look like currently?

Trials and tribulations are an inescapable part of human life, testing our resolve and challenging our faith. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, dive deep into understanding this one.

49. How will you reflect God’s love in your marriage?

Marriage is a vow to give love. It is a promise to give love for life. It is a determination to live for the benefit of the other, to stand by and behind them. To give and give and give and give, and then give some more—even life itself.

50. Do you submit everything to Jesus?

Ultimately, surrender your marriage to God’s will and purpose, trusting in His faithfulness to guide, protect, and sustain you both through every season of life. It is a process begun at salvation and ongoing with each and every choice that we make to submit ourselves to God. Out of the 50 questions to ask before marriage, this process will continue until the Lord comes again or He calls us home.

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50 Questions to Ask Before Marriage

By engaging in these 50 questions to ask before marriage, Christian couples can lay a strong foundation for a Christ-centered and fulfilling marriage. Remember to seek God’s guidance and pray together throughout this journey, trusting in His wisdom to lead you on the path of love and devotion to one another. May God bless your marriage abundantly as you embark on this sacred union together.

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Taylor and Taylor

Everything Weddings and Marquee Letters | Middle Tennessee

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